Mindsubmersion

Today my phone collapsed

This is my storage space 

As my mind overflows 

With possibilities

It’s too much

To take,

Amongst

Me

There

Is nothing 

Except a knife

Don’t forget the pen

Red ink bleeds in my arm

Things are not forgotten

When you are scarred for life

I would just like to add that i did not harm myself in anyway, however, I totally imagined myself doing this to relieve some tension in my mind when it will just not stop.

Today

The days get worse, barely a glimpse of day

Sleeplessness, worries cut into my mind

Just human, not bred to be a hero

Or a handsome knight in shining armour

Or a rich executive feeding from

Someone else’s misfortune, i am me

Just I…

Fingers & hands picked & bitten dry skin

Tears that have bled, arms scarred from cuts & burns;

Ageing & overweight from chocolate

& energy drinks on tap when feeling

Low; Demotivated; numb to the world

My well overflows but cannot shed a single

Tear; does this make me a bad person?

I don’t believe I am, but I am lost

Looking for myself, I am lost somewhere

Maybe on a boat, sailing the seas

Maybe in the forest, climbing the tress

Maybe in a parallel universe

Surely that’s just talking insanity

Alarm bells ring but I cannot wake up

Anxiety is suffocating me

Everything feels weak; typing letters

Lead fingers dropping on the board… one by…

one…

I am so gentle but everything

I touch crushes like meringue under me

You sit and beg that you love me, it bleeds

From your eyes, I am emotionless stone

Statue, unmoved, deja vued, nothing new

Why? I can hear you cry but I am lost

Frantically searching for me somewhere

But I’m controlling, callous and don’t care

Yet none of these things I am not aware

As I just sit silently in the chair

Watching your lips move, words float in the air

They leave, they return over & over

Year after year… sharpied in the air we breathe

They fade but don’t erase, the scars always

Show, no matter how hard I scrub the pain

Will just not let go

The Struggles of Love

Trying desperately hard to achieve, but causing so much pain
Imprisoned by self-obligations, physically and mentally drained
Taunted and teased to the point of despair, no intention to be unfair,
Selfish or awkward, they are my obsessions so clearly I do not care
Just knowing it will not be good enough, whatever you give
Questions the meaning of life when you no longer want to live
You break and you cry, whilst I am just an emotionless wreck

I can see I am hurting you but I cannot feel why only shame
Envying your beautiful tears and wishing I could cry the same
To reassure you, but my bottle is broken, I have not cried for years
Anaesthetised from the world, insecure listening to your fears
Pouring your heart out, bleeding, pleading to become numb like me

If you would only look closer, my heart is solely yours do you not see
My love for you is so much truer than from anyone else, it could be

I am clearly no poet, but I do feel using it as a guide can help add some structure to writing particularly when really struggling to express yourself like I am today. This piece focuses on struggles in a relationship when one suffers from Aspergers and can see pain and emotion but not feel and understand it. However, everybody is unique.