Write a light at the end.

Looking back at the last piece of writing that I last shared ‘Christmas Disquietude’ it’s crazy to believe that was a year ago before any of us knew what 2020 had in store for us.

How does everyone feel out there?

It has been without doubt an exceptionally scary year, I am in the UK but I am quite sure that this applies wherever you are in the world.

What have you done to cope?

Much of the creative writing I have shared has been with regards to Mental Health, from a state of limbo. Doctors chop and change my medication and my lifestyle like an experiment, with little thought of the consequences. Furthermore, if this does not work then that same knife is taken to stab another diagnosis from the darkness.

Perhaps if we were allowed the time and empathy to be understood rather than sitting on a looping conveyor belt, the professionals might get to the root of the problem or at least be able to point you in the direction of somebody who can to get to the root of the problem.

But for some reason people can never just be honest and say-

‘Sorry, this is out of my comfort zone, but I do know someone perfect for the job.’

Sometimes this is monetary. For example: A builder who you have a contract with to build you an extension and you have paid a large portion of that money, they have started but they have come to a point where they are out of their depth. So rather than be honest and return the money so you can find another builder, they end up building the house anyway but it’s a total sham, leaving you with years of unexpected expenses and labour (unfortunately this actually happened to us a few years ago).

Or sometimes it is about pride, competitiveness or stubbornness or a combination of both.

But it is always selfish and destructive.

People who are struggling with any Mental Health condition or Autism (As I am told these are totally unrelated!) need empathy, time and clarity with someone genuine who they can trust.

This year I made the decision to speak to a psychotherapist. After only a few sessions which were actually carried over email because of lockdown and I much prefer to write than talk on the phone, I realised that this person understood me more in that short space of time than any health professional I had seen (some of which I have been seeing for over 5 years). This is not to say I feel fixed (trauma cannot be fixed) but I must admit it is helping.

Helping, sounds lame, how about

Liberating.

Much better.

There is certainly much more to say on this matter and I am sure bits will crop up in my writing.

Writing is a such a powerful tool, particularly if you lack confidence speaking, like myself. So to anyone out there struggling to express yourself, use your pen or typewriter and get those words out.

They do not have to be coherent or make any sense whatsoever.

However, I do have to start making some sense as I am studying for a degree in Creative Writing which I hope I can start sharing a lot more of on the blog. Things are getting a little bit more serious for me now as I reach the business end of my degree, where even when I graduate there is no guarantee of being published or easy career to work my way into. At 35 this is a scary prospect which I have to overcome and be confident in my ability to achieve.

Coronavirus has made 2020 an unsettling, almost dystopian year. My Pet Sitting business – Netley Burrow (that specialises in Rabbit husbandry) has suffered greatly as nobody can go on holiday and bonding can only be carried out during times we are not in lockdown. Dog walking is suffering because many are working from home. But I know I am at the same time very fortunate, I have a secure home and I am self-employed.

At the start of year I turned Vegan to express my love of animals. My therapist says that people that have suffer with Developmental Trauma often turn to Spirituality or Animals for comfort. For me it is definitely the latter. Alongside my Vegan journey I started a food blog called Rabbit Food with lots of recipes that are accessible to many. So feel free to check it out. Also this year we have a new addition to our Bunny Family. His name is Albus, he is a big boy at 7.5kg.

Stay safe and keep writing.